Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
