Already got asked if we're dating
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
