so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
