Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
