He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I cockslap morals
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Randomize
