I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
