...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
