Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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