I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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