I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
