I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
