I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
