Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
