I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
