she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
