i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
