You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
