uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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