I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is my gift to your gina
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
