I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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