She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
