but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
