I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
