I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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