so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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