There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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