Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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