new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
