remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
