I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize