dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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