just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
