so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
