I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He better not be in your backpack
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
