I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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