then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
