so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
