Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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