if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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