My pussy is not your playground.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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