i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
