I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
