I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
