We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
