I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
