I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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