Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
