I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
