Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
