I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
