I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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