hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
