New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my poor anus
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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