sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
