When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
