I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
