She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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