just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
