JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
