i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
