You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
