I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize