She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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