i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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