You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
