we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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