I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
