oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
