U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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