Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
