Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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