you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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