i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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