Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
