When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
