Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
