Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
