I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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