An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize