So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You need a sexual gate keeper
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
