If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
