pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
